By
Edafe Hitler
As we travel through life and our connection with people, each of
us encounters people who disappoint and deceive us. In response to
these negative experiences we often create a protective mental wall to
keep people out and prevent us from experiencing this pain again.
And in some ways, withdrawing from those around us and putting up our mental defenses DOES work. It keeps corrupt people out, and protects us from their malicious intentions.
However the problem with living life this way, is that in addition to keeping us isolated from the relatively few malicious people in the world, we also isolate ourselves from all the truly good people around us.
When we become isolated from the world at large, we miss out on so much joy, happiness and laughter that the right people can bring into our lives.
The big problem is many of us live with our protective mental walls UP by default, and we only occasionally lower our defenses and let people in.
One of the most powerful ways to transform your relationships is to turn this strategy around, and learn to live with your protective mental walls DOWN by default, and only occasionally raise them to block out the negative people you may encounter.
Here are three ways to practice bringing down your protective mental walls and connecting with those around you.
Want to get your message across? More communication skills HERE
1. Disconnect To Reconnect
These days one of the common ways to create a "wall" to block others out is to use our mobile phones.
On trains, at social events, and even family gatherings, many people are so engaged in their virtual world that they don't even realise that they are losing their connection with the people around them.
One of the best ways to expand and deepen your relationships is to disconnect to reconnect, and make the decision to only use your phone to check Facebook or the Internet when you are alone.
When you are with your family, friends or even just out and about, put your phone away and focus on connecting with the real people in your life.
2. Make eye contact and smile
All too often we rush through life with our head down, and our mind busily reviewing the next twenty things to do on our 'To Do' list.
We are so busy and focused that we never take the time to stop and make eye contact with those around us.
The simple act of making eye contact and smiling, can occasionally open a doorway that changes your life forever.
For example in 1968, my mother met her dearest friend at a bus stop in the small town of Tamworth in England. A simple smile and hello led to a cup of tea, which ultimately led to a connection that has spanned 3 continents, and provided them both with 46 years of priceless friendship.
3. Live authentically
When we talk with those around us, it can be tempting to create a facade that always presents our life in the best possible light.
When someone asks "How are you?" we automatically share a quick superficial overview of our life - "Work is busy, our partner is fine and the kids are doing great."
It is amazing what happens when you resist the temptation to present this "vanilla version" of your life, and actually think about your response.
While you don't need to divulge the details of your problems to everyone you meet, lowering your protective wall and sharing the challenges you are facing with people you care about is a wonderful way to deepen your relationships.
So today I'd like to encourage you to lower your protective mental wall and live with your barriers DOWN by default. When you develop the habits of putting away your mobile phone, genuinely smiling at those you encounter, and speaking authentically from your heart, you will establish and nurture positive relationships that will enrich your life for many years to come.
And in some ways, withdrawing from those around us and putting up our mental defenses DOES work. It keeps corrupt people out, and protects us from their malicious intentions.
However the problem with living life this way, is that in addition to keeping us isolated from the relatively few malicious people in the world, we also isolate ourselves from all the truly good people around us.
When we become isolated from the world at large, we miss out on so much joy, happiness and laughter that the right people can bring into our lives.
The big problem is many of us live with our protective mental walls UP by default, and we only occasionally lower our defenses and let people in.
One of the most powerful ways to transform your relationships is to turn this strategy around, and learn to live with your protective mental walls DOWN by default, and only occasionally raise them to block out the negative people you may encounter.
Here are three ways to practice bringing down your protective mental walls and connecting with those around you.
Want to get your message across? More communication skills HERE
1. Disconnect To Reconnect
These days one of the common ways to create a "wall" to block others out is to use our mobile phones.
On trains, at social events, and even family gatherings, many people are so engaged in their virtual world that they don't even realise that they are losing their connection with the people around them.
One of the best ways to expand and deepen your relationships is to disconnect to reconnect, and make the decision to only use your phone to check Facebook or the Internet when you are alone.
When you are with your family, friends or even just out and about, put your phone away and focus on connecting with the real people in your life.
2. Make eye contact and smile
All too often we rush through life with our head down, and our mind busily reviewing the next twenty things to do on our 'To Do' list.
We are so busy and focused that we never take the time to stop and make eye contact with those around us.
The simple act of making eye contact and smiling, can occasionally open a doorway that changes your life forever.
For example in 1968, my mother met her dearest friend at a bus stop in the small town of Tamworth in England. A simple smile and hello led to a cup of tea, which ultimately led to a connection that has spanned 3 continents, and provided them both with 46 years of priceless friendship.
3. Live authentically
When we talk with those around us, it can be tempting to create a facade that always presents our life in the best possible light.
When someone asks "How are you?" we automatically share a quick superficial overview of our life - "Work is busy, our partner is fine and the kids are doing great."
It is amazing what happens when you resist the temptation to present this "vanilla version" of your life, and actually think about your response.
While you don't need to divulge the details of your problems to everyone you meet, lowering your protective wall and sharing the challenges you are facing with people you care about is a wonderful way to deepen your relationships.
So today I'd like to encourage you to lower your protective mental wall and live with your barriers DOWN by default. When you develop the habits of putting away your mobile phone, genuinely smiling at those you encounter, and speaking authentically from your heart, you will establish and nurture positive relationships that will enrich your life for many years to come.
An inspirations on the Power of Communication and Connection as we travel through life.
Learn more about communication skills HERE
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Learn more about communication skills HERE
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